A Few Things to Know About My Sister, Your New Wife, on Your Wedding Day
For folks who don’t realize me, I’m Amanda, Katie’s maid of honor, little sister, and first-rate buddy. It’s surreal to be standing here, giving this toast on her wedding ceremony day. Some folks have been beginning to suppose she’d never get married! Haha! Just kidding. She and George most effectively met six months in the past, so it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. But occasionally, when you meet the proper individual, you comprehend it, and nothing you discover about her should ever make you exchange your thoughts. Nothing.
George, using now, you likely think you have got a Ph.D. In Katie. But no person knows her better than I do, so I’d like to share a few quick suggestions on existence with my huge sis.
She doesn’t consider sharing her nachos.
If she ever says she doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday, she’s lying.
And, two hundred years ago, a hostile sea witch positioned an irreversible curse on our family’s firstborns, proper before being burned in the village rectangular.
Exchanging vows is a massive step that could raise several questions, like, What does destiny keep? Can your complex on the ancient curse issue? Is my life in approaching danger? But with marriage, you must leap religion.
Like lots of others, Katie isn’t like maximum ladies. She knows all of the lyrics to “Baby Got Back.” Her all-time favored movie is “The Notebook.” And, whenever there’s a harvest moon, her pores and skin receive slick and rubbery, and her fingers change into dolphin fins.
The satisfactory word to describe my sister is “radiant.” When Katie shines her light on you, you feel like the most crucial person inside the room, especially during a lunar eclipse, when a squiggly appendage sprouts from her forehead and emits a bioluminescent glow. It genuinely is a thrill to see, so long as you keep in mind to stay far from her mouth because her jaw does unhinge, and they possibly wouldn’t devour you, but why chance it?
They say that life isn’t approximately the wide variety of breaths you take but the wide variety of moments that take your breath away. It’s pretty difficult to take Katie’s breath away because she can preserve it for eighteen minutes (just long enough to discover and consume aquatic prey). But no guy’s ever come in the direction of leaving her breathless than you, George.
I recognize I shouldn’t deliver up beyond boyfriends during a wedding toast. But can I say how relieved we all had been when George arrived on the scene? Katie has dated a few actual weirdos. I’ll leave it at this: I’m satisfied that it’s you up right here with her these days, not the “sandwich artist” from Bushwick with the pet turtle. I can’t blame Katie for seeking to headscarf them like a five-greenback footlong!
There’s nothing more unique than locating someone to spend the rest of your existence with. On the first new moon after Katie’s thirty-fifth birthday, she’ll be referred to the ocean to sign up for Aunt Carol and stay out the remainder of her existence as a bloodthirsty saltwater mutant. But until that day comes, I need to wish Katie and George all of the happiness in the world. I’m so satisfied you discovered each other on Tinder.